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Holding On

Chapter Two: Being Worried

A lot has changed in 7 months. My mother finally said words that I have wanted to hear my entire life. I went to LA and told Julian that I loved him. There still is something missing in my life. I had it for awhile, almost a year, but that didn’t quite work out. Sam left 7 months ago and I feel like a piece of my heart is missing. We don’t stay in touch like we used to and it makes me sad. Part of it is my fault, I Iost her. I lost my daughter or would’ve been if I hadn’t encouraged her to spend time with her birth mother.

So, here I am at my store which now has clothes in it. I look at the shelves and it has my new line inspired by Sam and it brings tears in my eyes. I can’t dwell on that though. I really hope she is happy.

I hear the bell above the door ring and Haley walks in. She looks a little worried which in turn makes me worried.

“Haley, what’s a matter?” I ask wanting to get some information.

“Have you seen the paper?” She asks.

“No, but I was going to.”

“Have you talked to Sam lately?” She asks.

She is mentioning Sam and the paper. This really can’t be good. My Sam is in trouble. I hope not.

“Not for awhile, why is she in trouble or something?” I ask seeing the look in her eyes causes me to hold my breath.

“Read,” she says while handing me the paper.

I look at the paper and start reading.

Local Woman Found Dead in Home

The body of Rebecca Dennis was found last Thursday from what looked like an apparent suicide. Friends of the deceased where worried when she didn’t show up for work. Rebecca apparently suffers from Bipolar disorder otherwise known as manic depression. Rebecca also has a 15 year old daughter, Samantha Walker but we were unable to track her down for comments.

I quickly pull out my phone and text Sam. She always answers me. I look at Haley and she looks just as worried as I am.

“Where do you think she is?” she asks.

I used to be able to tell her but I don’t know anymore.

“I’m not sure but she will probably run,” I say hoping to god that it isn’t true.

I close my shop because I am not in the mood to deal with strangers right now. I send Sam more texts because she won’t answer me. Haley and I sit in silence waiting for Sam to respond. I’m glad that Haley cares for her like I do. I call Julian and my mother telling them what is going on and asked them to call me if they heard from her.

“I’m scared Haley. She always texts me back,” I say with tears forming in my eyes.

“It will be okay Brooke, you know Sam better than any of us.”

“I know that’s what scares me.”

I hear my phone go off signaling that I have a text message. It better be her.

I look at the message and it’s from Sam. I read out loud so Haley can hear… I’m fine don’t worry. I’m not your problem. Quit texting.

She has to know that those words would piss me off. I’m always going to worry.

“I can’t believe her,” I say getting angry.

“Brooke, calm down. We know that she is okay.”

“But for how long? She’s running and I can feel it,” I say hoping to calm my nerves. Which of course doesn’t work.

“Let’s think. If she isn’t with you where would she be? Who would she go to?”

“I used to be good at this. Where the hell would she go?” I mumble to myself.

I’m thinking about all the conversations that I have had with Samantha but one particular one is stuck in my head.

 “What are you so gloomy about?”

“Jack found a foster home. He’s leaving today. He’s moving to Charlotte.” 

“I’m sorry. I know it’s hard.”

I also remember getting into a conversation about Julian and the words that came out of Sam’s mouth were true. I was afraid.

“I know he loves you. I know to follow my heart instead of locking it away. I know if I could I would go with Jack.”

“Brooke. Earth to Brooke,” Haley says trying to get my attention.

I look at Haley and I realize that I know where Sam is.

“Haley, I know where she is. I have to go,” I say while grabbing my purse and walking away.

“Where are you going?” my best friend asks.

“I’m going to Charlotte.”

Holding On

Chapter One: Running

I’m walking to the bus stop with my iPod in my hands and the ear buds in my ears. I’m listening to Avril Lavigne’s Keep Holding On. Honestly, it’s not the music I am used to but all I am trying to do is get the thoughts out of my head.

“You hit the jackpot with my daughter.”

When Victoria told that to me I knew that. I’m not a complete idiot. Part of me always knew that. I guess mostly because I read that book, An Unkindness of Ravens. It’s funny how you can learn about a person without actually meeting them. I knew that I judged Brooke right away. I probably shouldn’t have.

“My home is your home now Sam and it’s going to be that way as long as you want it to be.”

I was scared before she said those words. For the first time ever I actually cooked someone breakfast. I’m not really into all that sentimental crap, but I actually liked doing that for Brooke. I thought it was funny that Brooke thought I was in trouble, any other time then she would have been right. When I heard that message I knew that I was going back to the pound. It surprised me that Brooke didn’t care what the message said. She wanted me. I’ve never felt wanted before.

“I want to adopt you.”

5 words that could’ve literally changed my life, of course I was dealing with the fact that my birth mother was somewhat a part of my life. When Brooke asked me I told her yes. I really did want it to happen, but a part of me thinks that she just asked me because she was scared that she was going to lose me. She was happy but I was conflicted. Part of me wanted it to happen but the other part of wanted to get to know my real mom.

“You’ll always be a Davis to me.”

Those words made me cry. The idea of being a Davis and not a Walker was perfect. I was still confused. When Brooke walked into the room that night I knew what was going to happen. All she was doing was what was best for me. Even though the situation sucked, she was right. I couldn’t stay with Brooke if I was confused. That night I left and I knew my world would change forever.

“I love you.”

I have always had a hard time hearing those words and an even harder time saying those words. When I was standing by the front door saying my goodbyes Brooke said those words and I said them back. I think it might have shocked Brooke that I said them because I never utter those words. I have too many issues with love. I did love her, hell I still do, but I never said it before then and I wish I had.

This damn song that I am listening to is not helping me at all. It reminds me of Brooke.

“You’re not alone, together we stand, I’ll be by your side, you know I’ll take your hand”

“So far away, I wish you were here, before it’s too late this could all disappear, before the doors close and it comes to an end with you by my side I will fight and defend”

I put the iPod in my pocket and look at my phone. Apparently I have like 10 new text messages. All of them are from Brooke. I guess she knows what happened. My birth mother Rebecca, well, she committed suicide, god only knows why but being me I couldn’t handle it. Normally, I probably would go see Brooke, but we have been distant lately. We sort of lost touch only give each other a few phone calls every now and then. So, here I am at the bus stop waiting for the bus to do what I do best. Run.

The bus arrived a little bit ago and I am looking out the window to the sign that says Now Leaving Tree Hill. I pull out my phone and text Brooke because knowing her she is probably freaking out. I send her the text… I’m fine don’t worry. I’m not your problem. Quit texting.

I am pretty sure those words will piss her off but I couldn’t think of anything else to text.

Charlotte North Carolina here I come.

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